1
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,424
[percussive music playing]

2
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:12,285
[Fallon] Matthew McConaughey,
Woody Harrelson. You saw it, right? No-

3
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,513
Has everybody seen the punch?

4
00:00:16,265 --> 00:00:17,350
[person] Oh, my God.

5
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,144
Just a good old-fashioned
clock to the face.

6
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,646
McConaughey was not fucking around.

7
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,564
{\an8}Walk us through what we're seeing here.

8
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,317
{\an8}Very subtle traces of aggression.

9
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:27,527
Good morning, Australia.

10
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,196
How about some
Hollywood punch for brekkie?

11
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,991
[in Georgian] American actor Matthew
McConaughey punched Ed Harris in the face.

12
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[in English] And would you believe
it gets even weirder

13
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,622
than one movie star punching
his friend/brother/fellow movie star

14
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,374
- in front of Dax Shepard?
- Oh, wow.

15
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,209
No one's heard from McConaughey
since it happened.

16
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,293
[crowd clamoring]

17
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,296
{\an8}He's a white male.
Uh, Oscar winner, 6 foot tall...

18
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,340
{\an8}Well, he looks a lot taller in person

19
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,171
{\an8}'cause of vibes and energy
and stuff like that. Um...

20
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:56,598
{\an8}Here is what he looks like
when he's going for a western aesthetic.

21
00:00:56,974 --> 00:01:00,853
{\an8}And, uh, this is what he looks like
on a cozy Sunday afternoon.

22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,688
{\an8}And, oh, yeah, well, okay,

23
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:07,539
{\an8}so there's now a slight chance that
he might look something like this.

24
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{\an8}Dad, if you're out there, come home.

25
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[phone buzzing]

26
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[buzzing continues]

27
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[buzzing continues]

28
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["Give A Little Bit" playing]

29
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[line ringing]

30
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[Val] Come on.

31
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,725
- The voicemail inbox-
- [groans] He's still not answering.

32
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,519
I've called his agent.
I've called his manager.

33
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If we don't find him soon,
he'll miss the rally.

34
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- What's happening?
- Oh.

35
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,816
- Oh, babe, your eye is worse.
- [Gwen] Can everyone just focus up?

36
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I can spin a punch.

37
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I can even spin
the incest cousins over here.

38
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,781
- We're not cousins.
- I'm adopted.

39
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:40,368
But I cannot spin a candidate
ghosting his own campaign rally.

40
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My priority is keeping this campaign
from falling apart before it even begins.

41
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There is a rally this afternoon.

42
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We all need to focus on making sure
that Matthew is on that stage.

43
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,795
Especially you.

44
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:55,716
You need to put some shoes on
those filthy, little hobbit feet,

45
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,469
and go find Matthew and apologize to him,

46
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:02,558
and bring him back here to me.

47
00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:05,852
Does that sound doable?

48
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,563
Apologize for getting sucker punched?

49
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:09,647
Unlikely.

50
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,358
For weeks,
I have been protecting his feelings,

51
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,361
looking after him
like I've done our entire friendship.

52
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:19,657
I-If anybody should be apologizing
around here, it's her.

53
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:23,035
She's kept this secret
for 50 fucking years.

54
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,203
[Val] Ma Mac, come on.

55
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,913
You must have something to say about this.

56
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,124
Nope. I'ma make some chili.

57
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,168
I know that this is all very personal,

58
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:32,378
but it might help
to just share your feelings.

59
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I said...

60
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I'ma make some chili.

61
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- Okay.
- [Jimmy] Hey!

62
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,802
- Damn paparazzi.
- [shutter clicking]

63
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You, parasite!

64
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,688
[grunts]

65
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,765
I will end you, man.

66
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,559
I have very little to live for.

67
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I don't wanna escalate this, but I will.

68
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- A family lives here.
- Jimmy?

69
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,898
- Hey.
- Are you okay?

70
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,691
Yeah. Just keeping these animals at bay.

71
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,312
Holy shit! What happened to you?

72
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- I gave myself a black eye.
- Jimmy, why would you do that?

73
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,281
In solidarity with your dad.

74
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Baby, I had to.
I jammed my face into a tent pole.

75
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Super hard. Harder than I intended to.

76
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,578
Vision was a little shaky.

77
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,955
It was touch and go for a minute,
but it feels like it's good now.

78
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,582
- We're back in business, so...
- Jimmy, don't...

79
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,835
I mean, you already did, but, like,
don't do stuff like that, please.

80
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,587
Olive, your family means the world to me.

81
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The world. I need you to know that.

82
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[romantic music playing]

83
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Yeah, I do.

84
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Good.

85
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,511
Hey. Uh...

86
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:23,971
Have you by any chance had more time
to think about our situation?

87
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,765
'Cause at least for me,
I keep thinking about

88
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,808
how insightful Brian Williams
was about everything.

89
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,186
I was so shook by that.

90
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,356
Yeah. Um, you know,

91
00:04:32,357 --> 00:04:36,025
I just feel like there's a lot going on
right now with Matthew and my dad,

92
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:40,863
and now Matthew's missing, so, um,
I should probably go and help find him.

93
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:41,914
But, um...

94
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:45,952
you should really ice that thing
'cause it-it looks kind of infected.

95
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:49,330
Baby, this is a classic
avoidant attachment style.

96
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,249
Brian would want us to talk through this.

97
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:52,834
They gave him a Peabody, honey.

98
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They don't give that to anybody.

99
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[shutter clicking]

100
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,994
I guess we're fucking doing this, man.
I warned you.

101
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,343
[Woody] Fuck Matthew and Ma Mac.

102
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,394
What the hell?

103
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,100
[Joy] Hey.

104
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,811
Can you give me a hand with this?

105
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:13,271
That's theirs.

106
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:15,315
Oh. Piece of shit anyway.

107
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Look, Woody,

108
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I really hate seeing you like this.

109
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It must have been so hard for you
just holding all of that inside,

110
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and I wish I had been there
for you through all of it.

111
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Well, I did try to tell you, honey.

112
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I know.

113
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In my defense, a lot of crazy shit
comes out of your mouth.

114
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You know, I twisted myself into
a fucking dreadlock keeping this secret,

115
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so as not to hurt Matthew.

116
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,634
And did he think about
that for one second?

117
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,761
No. He just thought of himself.

118
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,812
As usual.

119
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:51,601
So if he wants to run off to
wherever he is and not talk to me,

120
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,521
then I don't need to stick around here
and wait for him.

121
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And don't even get me started on Ma Mac.

122
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,819
You know, Woody,

123
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:06,115
think about how hard it was for you
to hold on to that secret for a few weeks.

124
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,742
And you didn't do it
because you're an asshole,

125
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:10,453
you did it because you were trying
to protect Matthew.

126
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,582
Ma Mac held on to that secret for decades.

127
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,667
Probably for the same reasons.

128
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,168
[sentimental music playing]

129
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,217
[sighs]

130
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Grab the kids. We're going.

131
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And you know what?

132
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,265
I'm taking this chair.

133
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[softly] Okay.

134
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,853
[birds chirping]

135
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,398
- [clears throat]
- Oh, what's up?

136
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,484
No, I did... I didn't say anything.

137
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,535
Oh.

138
00:06:44,394 --> 00:06:47,782
- So do you wanna talk about, um-
- Yeah.

139
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,909
The whole "us being cousins
but also dating" thing.

140
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,036
Yeah, um, sure, sounds like a blast.

141
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,417
Let's talk about it forever.

142
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,916
I mean, we're not technically, like-

143
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,544
Yeah. No, right. E-Exactly.

144
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,379
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

145
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,589
I mean, I feel great about it.
I'm not even thinking about it.

146
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,675
- Incest what?
- You don't have to say incest. I...

147
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:08,094
- [Woody] Olive! Kai!
- I think maybe I should...

148
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,929
- I'm just gonna... Yeah.
- Yeah, go ahead.

149
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,340
- Well, I'm really glad we talked.
- Yeah. For sure.

150
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,017
[Woody] Harrelsons! Wheels up!

151
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,103
V�monos.

152
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,441
[Kai, in English] I'll catch you later.

153
00:07:19,624 --> 00:07:23,192
[Jimmy] Hey, can I give you
a hand with the...

154
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,694
- I'm fine.
- I have my car here.

155
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,154
So I was thinking we could totally
do the drive together.

156
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,739
We're going to the same place.

157
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,242
It just kinda feels like
you're running away...

158
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,660
- What? No.
- ...and leaving me alone

159
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:33,995
at Matthew McConaughey's house.

160
00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:35,913
Which would be awesome
under normal circumstances.

161
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,750
No. It's just my dad needs to be
with his family right now.

162
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:40,760
Okay. Well, then...

163
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,046
We'll talk soon.

164
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:44,882
- Okay.
- Okay.

165
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,547
[Val] I can't believe
the Harrelsons just left.

166
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,190
[sighs]

167
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,893
Really, Ma Mac?

168
00:07:55,894 --> 00:07:58,728
Right now's a good time for chili?

169
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,062
People gotta eat.

170
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:03,650
I'm sorry. Are you really
not feeling anything right now?

171
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,369
[scoffs]

172
00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:10,990
You know, people are getting
mighty goddamned accustomed

173
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,826
to treating me like some dusty,
old bird around here.

174
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,329
"Why'd she do this?
Why didn't she do that?"

175
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:20,542
Like you all know
how you'd stand in my shoes.

176
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:24,420
I just genuinely don't understand why
you're not more worried about your son.

177
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:28,841
Matthew's a grown man
who's out there feeling things.

178
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,428
Not some baby fell down a well.

179
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,722
Wherever the hell he went...

180
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,851
he went there for a reason.

181
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:58,251
- Is that Matthew McConaughey?
- Shh, shut up, Josh.

182
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,790
Why's he here?

183
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,751
I said shut up, Josh.

184
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,462
Should I go talk to him?

185
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,053
If you ruin this for me, Josh,
I swear to fucking God...

186
00:09:09,054 --> 00:09:12,635
{\an8}[Dax] First you're finding out
that about your father,

187
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:17,056
but then to learn you
and your best friend, Woody Harrelson,

188
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,475
have the same biological father.

189
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,770
- [Dax] That's gotta be mind-blowing, no?
- Holy shit.

190
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:26,107
Matthew McConaughey
and Woody Harrelson are brothers.

191
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,277
{\an8}Certainly in light of everything going on,
there will be increased interest

192
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,404
{\an8}in McConaughey's rally this afternoon,

193
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,782
{\an8}where the actor will officially announce
his gubernatorial run.

194
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,493
{\an8}We'll see you at the rally, motherfucker.

195
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,996
Yeah.

196
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,709
[Joy] Feels good
to be back on the road, right?

197
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,127
Yeah.

198
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:48,462
- Yeah, totally.
- Totally.

199
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,755
How about some music?

200
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,299
- No.
- [Kai] No.

201
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,009
Audiobook? Podcast?

202
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,260
- [Kai groans]
- Spoken word?

203
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,471
- No. Uh-uh.
- No?

204
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,099
Okay. No. You know what?

205
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,601
Fuck this. All right. Stop the bus.

206
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:02,727
- What?
- Mom.

207
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,645
- Woody, stop the goddamn bus!
- What? Hold!

208
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,397
[tires screeching]

209
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,815
[objects clattering]

210
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,568
[softly] Okay. All right.

211
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,528
You selfish assholes.

212
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,905
This trip was not for me.

213
00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:16,073
I was perfectly fine staying at home,

214
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,909
playing pickleball
with Courteney Cox-Arquette

215
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:18,993
and Jake Gyllenhaal.

216
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:21,704
Have you seen that man in shorts?
A gift from God.

217
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,664
- Relax.
- Okay. You know what? No, you relax.

218
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,125
This whole thing started
with you running from love.

219
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,085
And you for running from estrogen.

220
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,838
And me just going along with it
to support you

221
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,381
because that's my fucking deal.

222
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,384
But this time something magic
actually happened, okay.

223
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,970
Olive, you let your guard down.

224
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,973
You were vulnerable
with Jimmy and your dad.

225
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:44,268
Kai, man, you were
always our fearless one.

226
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:47,813
Now look at you, running away
from your non-cousin's love.

227
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,482
- What? I'm sor- Mom, that's not-
- [Joy] No. Okay.

228
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,484
Woody, you were selfless.

229
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,653
You did everything you could
to protect your best friend

230
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:54,779
and your brother.

231
00:10:54,780 --> 00:11:00,910
My point is, we became this wild, weird,
wonderful family with the McConaugheys.

232
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:04,163
It unlocked something in all of us
and I am here for it,

233
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,998
so, just please,

234
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,794
can we be the family that lives on a bus,
but because we're free?

235
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,895
Not because we're running from something.

236
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:14,091
Especially not the people we love.

237
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:18,887
Holy shit, Mom.

238
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,056
Yeah, you might be right.

239
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,940
If the kids weren't here,
I would take you right now.

240
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:34,987
- Ew. Oh.
- Really? Oh!

241
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,696
Here we go.

242
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,365
[upbeat music playing]

243
00:11:46,068 --> 00:11:50,626
- Jimmy?
- What happened? Did you get car sick?

244
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,128
I have ginger ale in the tent.

245
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,422
- It's warm, but- Hey. Hey.
- Hi.

246
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:56,215
- I'm so sorry.
- Okay.

247
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,301
- Let's start a family.
- No.

248
00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,594
We can adopt.

249
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,645
- Shut up.
- Okay.

250
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,724
- Okay, good. You're here.
- I live here.

251
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,517
I'm sorry that I freaked out,

252
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,394
but it doesn't mean
that I don't wanna make this work

253
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,478
because I really like you.

254
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,709
Now, the basis of
a successful relationsh-

255
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,153
Yeah, I really like you too.

256
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,613
[Woody] Jesus Christ, get a room.

257
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:19,764
- Sorry. Yep.
- All right.

258
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,741
[chuckles]

259
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:24,494
Yeah, don't you get all smoochy on me.

260
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:29,457
Ma Mac, I'm sorry everything
went down the way it did.

261
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:33,461
I should've talked to Matthew myself
and not done the sneaking around,

262
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,006
and the messing with the DNA. And I just...

263
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,591
I hope you'll be able to forgive me.

264
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,801
Oh, don't get all weepy on me.

265
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,721
I forgave you the second
I saw your wackadoodle bus

266
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,723
come creeping back up the driveway.

267
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,851
It just kills me to think
you parked in the kitchen

268
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,854
worried about Matthew,
cooking your feelings away.

269
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,649
What is it with you people and my chili?

270
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:57,068
I'm not cooking my feelings away.

271
00:12:57,069 --> 00:13:00,071
I'm cooking because sometimes
what a boy needs

272
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:02,698
is his mama and his favorite meal.

273
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,618
So, just get on to that rally

274
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:09,540
and buy us some goddamn time
while I go get my son.

275
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,086
[singing "Texas Sun"]

276
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:31,103
[crowd cheering]

277
00:13:31,582 --> 00:13:34,272
You only paid me to do one song.

278
00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,983
Well, then play that song again.

279
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,697
This is "Texas Sun" again.

280
00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:48,169
[knocking on door]

281
00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:52,874
- Hi.
- I am Matthew McConaughey's mother.

282
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:57,420
We all used to live here
and I thought he might be here.

283
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,213
No, not here.

284
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,381
Yes, he is.

285
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,008
[whispers] All right, fine. He's here.

286
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,136
But please don't take him away.

287
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,100
[Ma Mac grunting]

288
00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:16,190
I thought that you might be hungry.

289
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,109
[Matthew sighs]

290
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,070
[Ma Mac] Boy. [grunts]

291
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,448
[sighs]

292
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,908
[sighing]

293
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,535
How'd you know I was here?

294
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:30,670
I'm your mother.

295
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:35,626
You and Big Mac built this tree house
first week after we moved in here.

296
00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:39,587
You always liked to come
when you wanted some alone time.

297
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,172
Same reason I'm here now, Mom.

298
00:14:41,173 --> 00:14:43,674
You got every right
in the world to be mad at me.

299
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,759
You think so?

300
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,387
Lived my entire life thinking
I was somebody else,

301
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:52,391
because you had to keep
your goddamn secret.

302
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,310
- I deserve that.
- [scoffs]

303
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:58,565
After you grew out of being a little boy,
I-I wanted to tell you.

304
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,108
Um...

305
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,444
Did he know?

306
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,992
Yeah, he knew.

307
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:14,706
E-Every time that we would split
and then remarry,

308
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:19,211
Big Mac never once asked me
about our time apart.

309
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,922
We didn't have any secrets.

310
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:24,515
So, um,

311
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:29,262
I had to tell him about Clive and me.

312
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:30,848
And, man, he just...

313
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:34,475
stormed out that front door.

314
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:38,313
And I thought, "God, I am never
gonna see that man again."

315
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:43,151
But he came back after about a week.

316
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,236
And you know why?

317
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:48,282
Because he chose love.

318
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,452
Actually he chose you.

319
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:57,207
He chose his son.

320
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,544
Clive may be your baby daddy,

321
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:04,590
but Big Mac is your father.

322
00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:09,136
All my life I've been...

323
00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:15,142
following his footsteps, you know.

324
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:20,022
Why don't you just keep on walking in 'em?

325
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,776
Sure do look good on you.

326
00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:26,778
[sighs]

327
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:29,990
[scoffs]

328
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:31,992
[mutters]

329
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,330
[inhales deeply, exhales]

330
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,627
Is that Jack Daniel's in here?

331
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:45,421
That's one secret I'll never give up.

332
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,591
["Texas Sun" playing]

333
00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:51,010
Okay, Matthew's right behind me, I swear.

334
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,012
- [groans]
- We just need a few more minutes.

335
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,515
The-The congestion at the, uh, traffic...

336
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,016
Oh, good. Help has arrived.

337
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,435
Look, I am sorry that I've been
a pain in the rear. I...

338
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,063
No, no, no. A pain in my rear is
something I enjoy occasionally.

339
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,606
Because I am a modern woman

340
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,900
and sometimes I have a boyfriend
who likes to do that.

341
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,985
You are not a pain in my rear.

342
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,694
You are a parasite.

343
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,947
You are a little freak.

344
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,574
You're cancer. You're a rash.

345
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,207
Are you okay?

346
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,410
I'm trying to help here.

347
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:20,248
I'm asking can we just stall
a-a tiny bit more?

348
00:17:20,249 --> 00:17:23,584
How about you stall?
I am gonna update my LinkedIn profile.

349
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:24,752
Move!

350
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,129
[exhales]

351
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,674
[singing "Texas Sun"]

352
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:31,718
[crowd cheering]

353
00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:36,013
This has been fun,
but I think I'd like to go home now.

354
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,891
[crowd booing]

355
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:41,352
It's about damn time. [chuckles]

356
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,187
Uh, Leon Bridges, everybody.

357
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,566
[crowd cheering, whistling]

358
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,903
He put in a full day. Hey, everybody.

359
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:51,988
How you all doing?

360
00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:53,823
[person 1] We've been better.

361
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:55,825
- [laughs]
- [person 2] Where is Matthew?

362
00:17:55,826 --> 00:18:00,913
Yeah, well,
look, y'all, Matthew is coming.

363
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,290
But before he comes up,

364
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:06,335
I just want to acknowledge
the elephant in the room.

365
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,880
- Not about you.
- I know you all saw that punch

366
00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:12,008
and you probably had
a lot of thoughts about it.

367
00:18:12,009 --> 00:18:13,634
[person 1] Boo!

368
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,888
- Boo! Get the hippie off the stage.
- [crowd jeering, booing]

369
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:19,223
And I'm not trying to explain it away.

370
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,142
But I... I should've told him sooner.

371
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:26,023
But Matthew McConaughey is
a passionate man.

372
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:33,946
He takes things like family
and friendship and honor

373
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:37,116
- and the truth very seriously.
- Hey.

374
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:43,415
And so, when you saw him punch
this unnaturally handsome face on TV,

375
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:50,671
we had just found some stuff out about
our family that was complicated and messy.

376
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,717
And I wasn't as honest with my friend.

377
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:56,428
My brother.

378
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,056
[stammers]

379
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:01,432
[chuckling] Well,

380
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:04,352
here's the man, the myth,
the legend himself.

381
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,395
[crowd cheering]

382
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,896
[Woody] Matthew McConaughey.

383
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:15,363
- [Matthew] You're my lighthouse.
- [Woody] I'm your lighthouse.

384
00:19:15,364 --> 00:19:16,864
[Matthew] I love you, brother.

385
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:19,200
And for the record,
I just want you all to know

386
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:22,078
that I can beat the shit
out of this scrawny-ass,

387
00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:24,247
all-chest no-calves,

388
00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:27,750
soon-to-be-governor of Texas,
any time I want.

389
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:31,254
I was lucky to get that right hook
in there when I did before you got me.

390
00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:33,172
- [laughs]
- Thank you, Woody.

391
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,924
Um, all right.

392
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,008
- Yeah!
- Whoo!

393
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,177
You know, uh,
when I told Woody, I said, uh,

394
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,972
"I think I'm gonna run for governor,"
Woody said, "Are you high?"

395
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:42,765
I said, "No, sir, I am not high."

396
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,101
He said, "Well, you should get high."

397
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:46,185
What did you say?

398
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,021
"Stupidest thing I've ever heard you say
you are gonna do."

399
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,523
- But here I am anyway.
- [laughs]

400
00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:51,774
You know, last few months

401
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:55,278
I've been thinking a whole lot
about family and what that means.

402
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:58,948
Family is more than just those who
we're connected to through our bloodline.

403
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,618
- Hear, hear.
- Sometimes family is

404
00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:04,413
those people that make us feel at home.

405
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:06,789
Those people that stick by us

406
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,667
in this little journey
we're all going through called life.

407
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,378
And when I talk about family...

408
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,133
- I'm talking about Texas.
- [crowd cheering]

409
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:21,805
The way that we take care of ourselves,
but we still lend a helping hand.

410
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,391
So if y'all believe in that,
then I would be humbled,

411
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,310
I'd be honored, and I'd be damn excited

412
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:32,732
to represent this family of Texas
as your next governor.

413
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:33,901
[crowd cheering]

414
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,322
- Whoo! [cheering]
- All right.

415
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:42,117
- Here we go.
- [all chanting] McConaughey!

416
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,332
- McConaughey!
- [chanting continues]

417
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,210
[Matthew] Thank you.

418
00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:55,588
[speaks indistinctly]

419
00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:58,217
- [laughs]
- [chanting continues]

420
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,801
Found you, motherfucker.

421
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,304
Yeah, but you didn't
think it through, did ya?

422
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:06,891
Not so tough with all
of these people around, are you?

423
00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:09,393
[chanting continues] McConaughey!

424
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:11,896
- Hey!
- [groans]

425
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,981
[crowd clamoring, screaming]

426
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,067
[Matthew screams]

427
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,158
{\an8}[Woody] Yeah, baby. Oh, we got this, Dan.

428
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,702
Yeah. Are you guys psyched?

429
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,913
Virginia. Beautiful.

430
00:21:28,914 --> 00:21:30,457
It's happening, everybody.

431
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:32,876
Come on. Here we go.

432
00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:35,503
Thank you. Thank you.

433
00:21:35,504 --> 00:21:36,672
Well, thanks, gents.

434
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,131
How about it, buddy?

435
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,551
Huh? We in a moment?

436
00:21:41,552 --> 00:21:43,094
{\an8}- We are.
- So as you can see,

437
00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:46,556
{\an8}even if every last remaining vote
lands for McConaughey,

438
00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,851
{\an8}it's still essentially
a mathematical impossibility for him

439
00:21:49,852 --> 00:21:52,019
{\an8}- to dig out of the hole that he's in.
- Wow.

440
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,730
{\an8}That hole famously started
at his very first rally

441
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,440
{\an8}when he attacked that older gentlemen.

442
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:58,401
{\an8}- [screams]
- [crowd clamoring, screaming]

443
00:21:58,402 --> 00:21:59,861
- Oh.
- [chuckles]

444
00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:01,696
They look much older on TV.

445
00:22:01,697 --> 00:22:04,408
{\an8}This campaign had
rage issues from day one.

446
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,786
{\an8}And let's not forget his
run-ins with the police,

447
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:12,498
{\an8}being disrespectful,
even charges of disorderly conduct,

448
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,333
{\an8}- evading arrest.
- Hey, it's early.

449
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,960
{\an8}We don't know how this will shake out.

450
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:17,170
It's not early.

451
00:22:17,171 --> 00:22:19,547
93% of precincts are reporting.

452
00:22:19,548 --> 00:22:21,257
Those numbers ain't real.

453
00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:23,509
I know AI when I see it.

454
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:27,305
If you don't believe in miracles,
miracles don't believe in you.

455
00:22:27,306 --> 00:22:28,514
I feel good about this.

456
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:31,726
{\an8}Although McConaughey has
as much chance at winning tonight

457
00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:34,520
{\an8}as I do winning The Great British
Baking Show and I don't bake.

458
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:38,149
{\an8}We're not gonna have nearly all
the results until 6:30 a.m.

459
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,985
Then we will be here
'cause we're not going anywhere.

460
00:22:40,986 --> 00:22:42,904
- We're not?
- We're not.

461
00:22:42,905 --> 00:22:44,488
Well, I am. I'm done.

462
00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,616
I'd like to say that it was a pleasure,
but it was not.

463
00:22:46,617 --> 00:22:49,911
It was just an endless
barrage of egomaniacal

464
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:52,496
and borderline sociopathic behavior
from both of you.

465
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:56,125
So I'm leaving immediately from here
to a holistic retreat in Bali,

466
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,668
for which I will be sending you the bill.

467
00:22:57,669 --> 00:22:59,420
And I hope they give me ayahuasca there

468
00:22:59,421 --> 00:23:02,715
so I can just throw up so hard
that it turns my guts inside out

469
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:05,343
and I turn into a big,
old pile of blood and goo.

470
00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:09,805
They'll say finally I look
on the outside how I feel on the inside.

471
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,558
- And that's why-
- Okay, you know what, enough.

472
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,685
I've let this slide for too long.

473
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:19,524
When you are rude, you diminish
and you make decent people feel small.

474
00:23:19,525 --> 00:23:21,442
Do not talk to Matthew that way.

475
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:24,154
You know what?
Don't even talk to Woody that way.

476
00:23:24,947 --> 00:23:26,747
Get the fuck out of our victory party.

477
00:23:27,196 --> 00:23:30,117
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.

478
00:23:30,118 --> 00:23:33,455
You are sending mixed signals.

479
00:23:37,042 --> 00:23:38,376
That was tremendous.

480
00:23:38,377 --> 00:23:41,212
- Thanks, Woody.
- I was just about to step up to her.

481
00:23:41,213 --> 00:23:42,964
I'm glad one of us did.

482
00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:45,132
On that note, come on, kids.

483
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,009
They're tired. Let me take them home.

484
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,094
- Whoa.
- I know.

485
00:23:48,095 --> 00:23:51,585
And take the chance of missing
out on the comeback of the millennium?

486
00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:53,683
- Mmm. Love you.
- Love you.

487
00:23:53,684 --> 00:23:56,937
Okay, everybody, after-party in my room!

488
00:23:57,563 --> 00:23:59,147
Come on! 706!

489
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:01,900
706!

490
00:24:04,403 --> 00:24:05,570
Come on, buddy.

491
00:24:05,571 --> 00:24:08,991
Buckle up for the greatest comeback
since Robert Downey Jr.

492
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,203
[sighs]

493
00:24:14,199 --> 00:24:17,582
Well, I don't think we need a recount.

494
00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:20,626
I thought you'd
at least won Bandera County.

495
00:24:20,627 --> 00:24:22,880
Man, I don't get the state of this state.

496
00:24:23,547 --> 00:24:24,839
Oh, hey.

497
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:28,343
- Hmm?
- I guess you can, uh, hit this now.

498
00:24:30,846 --> 00:24:32,305
Guess I can.

499
00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:33,515
[chuckles]

500
00:24:36,518 --> 00:24:40,146
[both laugh]

501
00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:41,355
There it is.

502
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:43,399
I have not seen that in a while.

503
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,068
Seems we have a little time
on our hands, Brother Wood.

504
00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:47,945
What if we went to the South of France?

505
00:24:47,946 --> 00:24:49,155
Have a little wine?

506
00:24:49,156 --> 00:24:51,157
Wine, sunshine and song.

507
00:24:51,158 --> 00:24:52,533
I love that idea,

508
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:56,663
but I was thinking maybe
you and I take a road trip.

509
00:24:57,748 --> 00:24:58,998
Possibly Colorado.

510
00:24:58,999 --> 00:25:00,082
Well, what's in Colorado?

511
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:01,959
- BSP.
- BSP?

512
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,253
Boulder State Penitentiary.

513
00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:06,923
I've looked at the way
I've handled my life

514
00:25:06,924 --> 00:25:10,259
and my family and I wanna find
some answers from the source.

515
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:15,223
The guy who got it all started
for me and you,

516
00:25:15,224 --> 00:25:17,059
uh, biologically speaking.

517
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:21,395
You wanna go see...

518
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:22,564
Our dad.

519
00:25:23,315 --> 00:25:25,108
["Free Ride" playing]

520
00:25:29,655 --> 00:25:30,989
Deal.

521
00:25:34,493 --> 00:25:36,453
Do you mind if we turn this down?

522
00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:39,664
Yeah, kinda, sorta.
We already talked about it.

523
00:25:39,665 --> 00:25:41,457
You got your window. I got my Freon.

524
00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:43,209
I never agreed.

525
00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:45,378
Dude, you nodded.

526
00:25:45,379 --> 00:25:47,338
- I didn't nod. I-I...
- Yeah, you nodded.

527
00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:49,090
I shrugged my shoulders actually.

528
00:25:49,091 --> 00:25:50,424
Hey, I just had a thought.

529
00:25:50,425 --> 00:25:53,553
[Matthew] You know, last time you had
a bright idea, I got bucked off a bull.

530
00:25:53,554 --> 00:25:55,096
- [Woody] Forget it.
- Woodrow.

531
00:25:55,097 --> 00:25:58,558
[Woody] My dad slept with your mom.
Well, there must have been others.

532
00:25:58,559 --> 00:26:01,143
- [Matthew] You mean...
- Maybe we have siblings.

533
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:05,356
[Matthew] Dude, I don't know if I've got
the bandwidth for a franchise right now.

534
00:26:05,357 --> 00:26:06,859
[song continues]

535
00:26:06,909 --> 00:26:11,459
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